In the previous post, the idea of self-sabotage was put forward.  My dear friend and sister Shari made a very valid point in this direction when she said, "What if it is sheer laziness. [sic] You know you want to peel off the layers but you are too lazy to do anything. [sic]"

You know you're tired of wearing the bulky fat suit. You know you want to get rid of it and keep it off.  You talk about changing your food habits and eating things that are more healthy for you, but you don't do it - and then you complain when the layers don't come off.  Is that laziness, or are you unknowingly sabotaging yourself?

I can tell you from personal experience that self sabotage is a very tricky thing to deal with.  It's so subtle that you don't even realize what you're doing until you find yourself doing something completely unrelated, and suddenly, a light goes on inside your head and you have what Oprah Winfrey calls an "A-ha!" moment.

Why would you want to sabotage yourself, you ask?  Well, there are any number of possible reasons. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know in my own life, it's very often because of a fear of being seen.  I've spent many years hiding deep within this fat suit - not because I think I'm too ugly (I certainly don't think that at all), but because I feel that if people see me, they'll hurt me.

You see, I was badly abused as a child, and one of the lessons I learned was that being seen meant being forced to submit to things no one - especially a child - should ever have to submit to. To protect myself, I hid out in my room; over time, my room became the fat suit I currently wear.  I'm not a child, anymore, and submission isn't even a remote hint of a possible suggestion in my life, but the emotional stuff is still there - and that's what's affecting my ability to peel off the layers.  I want to get rid of this fat suit - I want it very badly - but the fears of the past come roaring to life whenever I peel off too many layers.

Now, it needs to be reiterated that this kind of self sabotage may not apply to you.  As I said, I can't speak for anyone but myself.  But it's something for you to think about, at least; you have to look at yourself and ask yourself the hard questions:

Why did I start adding layers?

What's stopping me from peeling them off?

Why am I afraid to show myself?

Understanding self sabotage is a very personal business, because you have to figure out how it applies to you.  If you're doing what you need to do and if your doctor has told you there's no medical issues stopping you from peeling off the layers, then you might want to consider the possibility that you're sabotaging yourself.  And if that turns out to be what's happening, then you might want to consider talking to a therapist about it - or, if you're like me, you can take a hard and honest look at your life and try to sort things out on your own.

Recognizing how you're sabotaging yourself - if that's what you're doing - isn't an easy or painless thing.  You need to know that up front. It's an arduous and very painful process, emotionally.  Telling yourself to just "get over it" doesn't work; I can tell you that from years of personal experience.  Healing from the pain of the past can be a long and very complicated business.  It's a whole book all by itself, to be brutally honest, and I'm not sure you or anyone else would be interested in reading it.

Look at yourself and be willing to ask yourself the hard questions. Write about it in your weight-loss journal.  Don't be afraid to let go of the things that have you holding onto those layers.  And most of all, don't be afraid to feel the fear and the emotional pain that may come with that self examination.  It's all part of the healing process - and if it's what's been keeping the fat suit tightly closed around you, it's exactly what you need to do to start breaking the seams.